You will be able to better understand your relationship, where things went wrong and to know exactly what you need to do if you are still hoping to get back together! But the truth is that if you were broken up with you must have had your part of responsibility; at some point your actions must have made your ex reconsider her desire to be with you. Furthermore her doubts must have turned into a strong belief that she could no longer be happy with you!
On the surface the separation can be explained quite simply actually: your girlfriend or wife broke up with you because she no longer had faith that you could make her happy in the future. The beautiful thing is that if you are able to identify why she felt this way and change this belief, you will actually be able to get back with the one you love, no matter how things ended!
I say change because it is my belief and assumption that you were once happy together. So somewhere things changed and it must have been for one of two reasons; the first possibility is that you became too needy, too in demand of her time and attention and stopped being a challenge for her; In other words the love and attention that you were providing to her became overbearing and you became too clingy.
Did you always suggest doing things together? Did you prevent her from engaging in one of her hobbies? Did you give her a hard time when she hung out with her friends or relatives? If you answered yes to any of those questions than you will know that this behavior is what caused your relationship to unravel. You Put Her on a Pedestal Again, she wants to be treated as an equal. Whatever life throws at you, suck it up, deal with it, and never complain about it.
You Handle Conflict Poorly All relationships experience conflict and how you deal with that conflict is what makes or breaks the relationship. Never, under any circumstances, allow women to use you, be abusive, or walk all over you. Conclusion Your girlfriend is not trying to be a jerk by dumping you. Thanks for reading, — Marc Summers. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. I'm Marc Summers. More About Marc. Get Coaching.
Learn More. Free Advice Categories. Top Free Dating Advice. Happy Customers. Read More. I wish there was a way to repay you. Thank you very much for following your purposes. Each page is impactful and a catalyst for changing behavior. No nonsense. Just plain battlefield success principles. Doug M. I just want to thank you a million times over. On my fifth time and it's still just as impactful as the first. This book inspired me enough to send a personal message to you.
He talks about his own life and lessons that have helped shape him into the man he is today. You saved my life. I been struggling with this stuff for years. I wish I seen this earlier. Specifically about how you act towards her and around her. The biggest red flags are if your behavior has significantly changed since the time you both met.
Even if you make the necessary changes ASAP, she's not going to suddenly think you've lost a few years. She has an image of you built in her mind and it will take a while to replace it with the new one you want to present. Taking some time apart and practicing no contact is a great solution, especially as it gives you the time to make the changes. I'm going to have to explain this one a little bit.
When you first think of the word "status," it can have a slightly negative connotation. It's a bit deeper than that though. When I say "status," I'm not specifically referring to the relative status between the both of you, eg: you were better than her, now she's better than you. That's absolutely not the implication. It refers to her impression of your status when compared to your past self and other guys.
And a lot of it can be out of our direct control. Even if she doesn't particularly care about your pursuits, these things generally have a domino effect. Trouble at work can mean stress, which can lead to overworking, which can lead to neglecting your partner. And that's just one example. Or maybe things haven't changed at all. And that can be just as bad. We always want to keep doing better, not stay at the same level. If you've stagnated in your pursuits while she has continued to better herself, she has basically outgrown you.
Take an inventory of your life. What are your goals outside your relationship? And how are you actively working towards achieving them? That's your priority now. Use this time away from her wisely. Putting her on a pedestal - Some women dig it, but unless that's the dynamic you guys established in your relationship from the beginning; it's unlikely to win you any favors.
And even then, I'd advise against it. It's natural to elevate the ones we care about and love, but if we do it at the expense of ourselves, it will usually come back to bite us. Were you always asking for her approval, even for the smallest things?
It probably made her feel like you can't make your own decisions and that you have to rely on her for everything. Were you being clingy? Maybe you displayed some jealous behavior. Put yourself in her shoes and you'll agree how annoying this can be.
Some people call that a doormat. It's good to make time for your partner and to be able to prioritize her needs over your own, but if you're only ever making concessions and never stand your ground, she's going to realize that you're not the man for her. It does not mean you have to be a jerk. It's about being assertive and sincere.
If someone asks you to do something, and you're genuinely happy to do it, that's good. But if someone asks you to do something that you're not really interested in, you shouldn't be insincere and play along just to be "nice". When two people are in a relationship with each other, a lot of things are taken for granted and left unsaid.
Arguably the most important component of a successful relationship is making sure both your emotional needs are met. Even if the attraction between you both is great and you share similar goals and interests, it will all be for nothing if both of you aren't emotionally fulfilled.
Lacking attention - You may have unconsciously stopped paying attention to her needs and desires. In a long-term relationship, over months and years, our lives shift, move, and we are constantly taking up new responsibilities and tasks. You may have started spending more time and attention on other people or pursuits. Maybe you've been really busy with work lately or made a new group of friends.
Either way, she hasn't been getting to spend as much time with you as she'd like. Maybe there hasn't been any change in how much time you spent with each other, but that doesn't mean you couldn't have been neglecting her in some ways. Were you prone to giving vague responses? A lot of guys resort to being vague when they don't want to express their actual emotions like resentment or they're trying to keep some secret. Not only does this slowly build up a wall between you and your partner, but it can also come off as deceptive since it'll feel like you're trying to hide things.
Lacking intimacy - Intimacy is a foundation of relationships. It represents that two people care about and trust each other enough to make themselves vulnerable in each other's company. Without intimacy, no romantic relationship will ever go far. Had things stopped being romantic?
Or at least not nearly as romantic as when you began dating. A "romantic" relationship is the result of a lot of things - attraction, interest, comfort, sexual tension. Negative interactions put us on the defensive, and that is just not conducive to letting oneself be vulnerable and intimate with another. Did you guys rarely have conversations about each others' feelings?
Validating your partner's feelings and providing a safe space for their feelings is crucial to maintaining intimacy. Do you have a short temper? It would be hard for someone to be intimate with you if they have issues dealing with your short fuse.
Lacking support - Having each other's back and supporting your partner is an important part of a fulfilling relationship. If she felt like she couldn't rely on you for emotional support, it's not surprising that she decided to end things. You have to be supportive of her goals and passions. If she felt like you didn't respect or support her in her pursuits, she would feel like you don't care about what she wants.
People aren't mindreaders. If you never complimented her or acknowledged her accomplishments, she probably felt like you didn't care about her success. Did you hold yourself back from speaking your mind when you felt vulnerable? That probably made her feel like you didn't trust her enough.
As a guy, it's not uncommon to feel nervous about sharing our insecurities with others. But it's an important step towards building a successful relationship. You have to work on your insecurities, and let your partner help you with it - trust them to be there for you. Lacking security - If someone isn't feeling secure in their relationship, it's not going to go very far. This is usually more important to women, and often why so many men don't understand it well.
Is there any reason she might doubt that you'll still be around in a year? Or two? If you couldn't get her to a position where she felt comfortable that you'll be around, that's your answer. Were you facing financial instability?
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